Seven Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me Before Adopting Transracially

1. When you find a hair or skin product that works, stick with it.

2. The stupid comments that used to annoy you before will make your blood boil now that your child is home.

3. Your friends who have never adopted transracially will not understand some of your decisions. They will think that it’s overkill to have African American artwork scattered throughout your house. They won’t understand why you don’t want to subject your child to a classic movie in which the main character is made fun of because a part of his body is a different color than his peers, then accepted once they realize that the main character is of use to them. They won’t understand why you feel the need to send your kiddo to a more diverse school. Hopefully they will just consider the fact that you are more aware than they are on the subject and move on, but sometimes they won’t. Sometimes they’ll call you out, and say hurtful things. You never needed friends like this anyway.

4. You are now an advocate for racial equality.

5. Read Tim Wise's books.

6. You're going to get weird looks when you go out. Sometimes they're nice and accepting looks. Sometimes they're inquisitive looks. Once in a while, the looks are so hateful that your blood begins to boil. Figure out a way to deal with it before your child is home, because in the moment, you won't be able to think.

7. In the end, nothing else besides the relationship that you have with your family and your child matters. People say stupid things. People look at your family in the grocery store. Deal with it and move on. You are teaching your child how to handle things like this in the future.